As I started my yoga class today, I noticed a feeling that is a welcomed contrast whenever it presents itself. I felt grateful to myself. Basically, for sticking by myself and paying attention to that voice, well for me it's more of a body sensation, that has brought me to where I am today. That sensation that knew college would not be a good choice for me fresh out of high school. That feeling that when I was truly ready I would find what it is I am passionate about. The trust I have that when I get excited about a line of work or study that I follow it and it will bring me closer to what I want to be in the world. At times it has felt like blind faith...stumbling along not sure that I was on the right path although determined to not get distracted. Honing and weeding and following my energy towards that which enlivens me! HOPE!
I can remember typing away in bed at my mom's during a visit to Cincinnati, OH perhaps even a couple of years ago now. I recall thinking that if I had my own laptop that I would sit in bed and write write write. I have my own laptop...have for almost a year now and I am just now putting the pieces together.
I just watched You, Me and Everyone We Know. I know a movie is good (to me) when I am left with deep feelings...be it sad, inspired, thoughtful or melancholic. It was a quirky movie, but something in it spoke to me. I feel inspired to post here and it's been months. I guess that says something.
I am tired though...another late night. I was up till midnight last night reading papers from my teacher. I am so excited that I get to learn something that is so meaningful and powerful! It is called Skills For Change and the premise is how to empower ourselves in our lives in the context of the society we live in and the race, age, sex, role we find ourselves in. Truly fascinating study in sociology.
okay...it's been days, weeks, months since my last entry...i do want to do this regularly. i guess i got cold feet :)
i am in a completely quiet house, except for the crickets chirping away outside...well and the refrigerator running and the buzzing of the florescent light in my spacious kitchen. it's amazing how silence...a break from the noise of the day...can alter my internal space and give me the chance to shift my perspective. this evening i was feeling so tired of the noise...the yelling...the whining...the crying...and now i feel sadness that it's not there. don't get me wrong, i love the quiet! i need quiet. quiet moments just like these to remember what i like. i also love the space that my boys take up in my life! and i love having the space to appreciate them...those adorable and loving dears.
tonight was ethan's first grade potluck to meet his classmates, their families and his teacher. my oldest son is going to be in first grade! well, it's a good thing i don't get too much time for reflection because i would be balling my eyes out most of that time.
sitting here at art night with some of the lovely ladies in my life. some of the most precious, actually. it feels like this is my women's circle now. i have not had an official project yet as the women around me work on green house sketches, sewing boxes for daughters, cutting up clothes to make something more beautiful and organizing recipes. here i am writing to preserve this moment. this is our modern day red tent...although no one is currently on their moon cycle. we share the real life stuff...trouble with potty training...idiosyncrasies of our partners...impersonations of our children...sassyness...balance...creating boundaries...making sure our children are safe...oh life as a mother!